Answered prayers

At some point you'd think I'd finally get that God has this all covered. That his timing is perfect and that I shouldn't continue to lose sleep over anything in the process of IVF. You'd think after 6 years and four IVF attempts I'd get that through my head. All I can say is I'm only human.

I talked to Dr. B's office today. We will be starting our follistim shots on Saturday. Yes that is the day I'm going to Texas. Yes that means I don't have to have one single monitoring visit at the clinic here in MS. I'm beyond excited and amazed that this has worked out so well. We will have a sono on Tuesday November 6 and are looking at a retrieval around the 13th. We will know more after the sono. I'm excited to head to TX and get this show on the road!!

So thankful for answered prayers.

Perspective

Wow. I needed a little perspective this morning. Yesterday was a bit rough with a near constant headache and a spirited 2.5 year old. Today is a new day though and I'm determined not to take this journey or L for granted.

I realize we are so blessed to be doing IVF again. There are so many people who don't even get one opportunity and here we are on #4. There are also so many people who would love to have just one child (I used to be there) and here we are hoping for another. I don't want to be ungrateful for what we have or to take any of it for granted. If you ever see me doing that, please remind me of my blessings.

Thank you Lord for blessing us so tremendously. Help us to remember how fortunate we are to be on this journey regardless of the outcome. Help us to live a life satisfied with what we do have. Amen.

What are you taking for granted? I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Easier/Harder

Lupron is evil. I'd forgotten just how much. If you want a good read just google it's side effects. Really it's not as bad for me as most people say but I really do dislike it. If I can get by with no hot flashes I'll take the few symptoms I am having. Just a few more weeks.

I've discovered that there are some things that are easier and some that are harder on this cycle. Easier, we have L so not everything rides on us being successful. Don't get me wrong, we really want it to work we just aren't consumed by it. Harder, we have L so things like shots at specific times are harder to remember. After missing a dose I finally had to cave and set a reminder on my phone. I never missed a shot in any of our other cycles so I did open my eyes to how much more relaxed I am overall.

We stop the pill tomorrow and anticipate starting our stim meds next week. Getting closer! We will be headed to TX in two weeks and are looking at three weeks till retrieval. Wow, we are really doing this!!

Finally, something that touched me today. I need to really remember this and put it to practice daily.

Thank you Lord for this journey. We trust in you and praise you for everyone who has supported us and loved us. We could not do it without you!

Blessings in disguise

This.....

really made me think. I took some time last week to read the book I made for L of this blog. I'm so thankful I took the time to document our journey and all of our feelings. I hope someday she will appreciate it too.

Yes, infertility is a bitter trial. I've said before that I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy but I also wouldn't change our path. You see it really has been a blessing in disguise.

It has taught us so much:
1) how to really depend on one another
2) to be sooo grateful for our amazing friends and family
3) to be better parents
4) not to sweat the small stuff
5) rely on God
6) just enjoy the moment
7) count our blessings
8) share our story

And so many other things. I hope you will take sometime to look at your own life and find the blessings in disguise.

Gut feelings

We got the all clear (kind of) to go ahead and start our lupron today. I say kind of because as of this second the office in Dallas doesn't have the official report from the office in MS. However, I started the meds this am when I was told everything looked great.

This leads me to the title of this post. All along I've just had an unsettled feeling about working outside of our Dallas clinic but could never put my finger in the exact problem. I attributed it to stepping out of my comfort zone. However, after trying to get someone to call me back from their office today it clicked. I'm not really their patient. They don't have to give me top priority.

I'm glad this is happening now instead of later on in the process when I need timely communication to adjust doses of meds. I'm trusting my gut with this one and committing to as few appointments as I can here in MS. I'm headed to Dallas the first weekend of Nov. Hopefully that means 2 monitoring appointments max. I can't take this additional stress. Please pray this all gets worked out and easier.

In other good news, we got everything worked out with insurance and our meds. $200 later we are the proud owners of this:

Don't get too jealous. :-)

Thanks for all the prayers. Now just start leaving comments so we can show future baby how many people we have in our corner. Until next time....

Being honest with myself

We are having issues with insurance and our med order. They are still shipping the lupron tomorrow but we are waiting for it to get resolved before they send the others. Please pray it all gets resolved quickly and smoothly and that they will indeed cover it.

I found this quote today and it really hit home. If I'm really honest with myself I'm scared of three things:
1) This cycle won't work.
2) This cycle will work but we will miscarry again.
3) The cycle will work too well and we will have multiples. :-)

Honestly it's the second option that scares me the most. I'm just not sure I can do that again. That is why the above quote hit home. I'm not willing to repeat the past in regards to negative outcomes. Please continue to pray for peace. I'm struggling again.

One week

That's right. We are one week away from our potential IVF cycle. I go in next Tuesday, October 16 at 8:15 to the clinic here in MS for our lupron start sonogram. Any and all prayers are appreciated. We need a clean sono (no cysts) to start meds. We are not anticipating any problems since our last sono was clean but we've had surprises before. Meds are being delivered Saturday so let's get this show on the road!

I prayed for this??

It's been a rough couple of days in the Cramer house. L has been feverish with lots of snot and whining. We are so blessed that she has never been majorly sick and so far has only been to her dr for well visits. All of that to say I caught myself thinking at one point while covered in snot and dealing with meltdown #500, I waited and prayed years for this?

Why yes I did. I knew motherhood would not be glamorous all the time but I think we all underestimate what it really means. To be honest, when L was a few weeks old and Joel went back to work there were several days I was so overwhelmed. I remember thinking maybe we had made a mistake having a baby. It was hard work! I felt so guilty too because we had waited so long for her. I felt guilty any time I complained about something even though I knew all mothers probably felt frustrated too.

Obviously we survived but those thought still creep into my head. Why are some days just so stinkin hard? And if I feel like this just imagine how frustrated God must be with me at times. There's food for thought.

Not to fear, just when I think I need a break a certain someone looks at me and says, "mommy, hold you". And I cave. Every time. Because you see, I wouldn't trade one second of being covered in snot. I've been on the other side and it's far worse. We are so blessed! Thank you Lord for it all, even the snot!