The Progression to a Belly

Just thought you might enjoy a pictorial representation of our journey thus far. The last picture is especially for you Arika!

This shows all the shots, the hospital bracelets and medical supplies it took for us to get our miracle. To the right is a picture from our very first sonogram. I'm so glad to be rid of this stuff and have my kitchen counter back!!


This is a self portrait around 13 weeks. Not the most flattering picture but it's hard to take one of yourself!


Here is the sonogram from 18.5 weeks. You can see baby's profile.


Here is the 20 week belly shot. We are halfway there. Some days I feel huge and others not so much. I'm not sure how pregnant I look and am sure some people who don't know just think I'm fat. :)

19.5 Weeks

Despite rumors to the contrary, I have not fallen off the face of the earth. :) It has been hard to find time to update both blogs, work, and grow a baby. Sorry! I thought I'd catch you all up with some highlights. I can't believe we are approaching 20 weeks. That is halfway. Wow!


Pregnancy Highlights:

How Far Along: 19.5 weeks (officially 20 on Thursday)

Total Weight Gain/Loss: 10 lbs at the dr. office two weeks ago. I'm sure there is more since and will find out next Mon. at our regular appointment.

Maternity Clothes: All the time. They are so comfy!

Sleep: Not so good. I'm sleeping in 1 1/2 spurts and have a hard time getting comfy. :( I miss my sleep.

Best Moment this week: Going in for our big sono and seeing baby. Everything looks perfect. It was the coolest thing to see him/her moving and hear the heartbeat again.

Gender: We know but it is still a secret till Christmas when we tell our families.

Movement: Just really noticed it on my birthday. It is the coolest sensation and feels like pop rock candy in my belly.

Food Craving: Beef. Mostly hamburgers and Arby's roast beef sandwiches. Odd because I'm normally a chicken person.

What I miss: Jimmy John's sandwiches and my diet coke.

What I am looking forward to: Telling our family at Christmas if baby Cramer is a boy or girl. So can't wait!!!!

Weekly Wisdom: Don't be afraid to accept gently used stuff! So far we have a crib, a changing table, a bassinet, a bumbo, a bouncy seat, and many other offers. We may not need a shower at this point. Just kidding!

Symptoms: I'm tired but not as much as early on. My allergies are killing me and I have now gotten a cold. :( Also the pregnancy runny nose has reared it's ugly head.

Sorry there are no photos. I'll work on scanning in some of the sonogram and downloading some belly shots. I want all of you to see what you've been praying so hard for. Check back this weekend. :)

1st Trimester

We have officially completed our first trimester!! I never thought I'd be saying those words and it feels great. We have our next ob appointment on Monday and will hopefully hear the heartbeat. It is really strange to only be going to the Dr. once a month after spending every day there for the last three years (or so it seems).

I'm still feeling great and am gaining back some energy. I'm seeing a huge difference in which clothes I can wear. Anything with elastic is my friend and I admit to donning a pair of maternity jeans. They were my saving grace for our Ohio trip and I would wear them every day if I could. :) Soon enough I'll be wearing maternity clothes all the time, but I'm still not quite there yet. Hopefully this weekend I'll get Joel to take my first official belly shot. If you are lucky I'll even share it with you.

Have a great week!

My New Friends

Have you meet my new friends?


That's right one is the Bella-Band. This has saved me the trouble of squeezing into pants that one day are fine and the next are terribly uncomfortable. Thank goodness for my band! It is the only thing keeping me from going out and spending a ton of money on clothes that won't fit in a few days. All of this is worth it and I can't wait to really don the maternity clothes my good friend Teresa lent me. :) This is so much fun!

As for the other:

Yup, my bed and pillow. I've been really tired so far. Between work and life, I've been cherishing every moment I can sleep. Naps on the weekend are especially nice. I'm ready to have a little bit more energy to do things, but for now I'm enjoying the fact that I have an excuse to be tired. :)

So far, I've felt great. No nausea at all! I tell people maybe it is our prize for waiting so long to get baby Cramer! We officially graduated to our regular OB and our next appointment is mid-October. I can't wait to hear the heartbeat. It will be so cool. :)

We are also on the countdown of our last progesterone shots! We are on an every other day rotation and are down to our last four. I know it's for a good cause but I'm so ready to be done. Trying to remember which day and which hip is actually pretty comical with preggo brain and all. :)

Have a great week and we will keep you updated as we can.

Our Apologies

We apologize for the lack of updating. We have tried to reach as many people in person with our latest update and we apologize for keeping you all in suspense about the results of our latest IVF. We are now excited and pleased to introduce to you all:

baby Cramer!!


Our sono today revealed a due date of April 30 but based on our IVF timeline it is April 29. Not that it matters as baby Cramer will make an appearance when he/she is good and ready. :)

We will be better about updating from now on. Thanks for sticking with us on this journey. God is good!

Striving for Peace

"Don’t worry about anything: instead, pray for everything. Tell God what you need and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace which exceeds anything we can understand."
-Philippians 4:6

This pretty much sums up the whole IVF experience this time. As I mentioned before, I was pretty apathetic throughout this attempt. It seemed like many days I just went through the motions of shots, Dr. visits, blood work, etc. I just couldn't bring myself to get really emotionally involved. In fact, this time I did so much better in just handing it all to God. Honestly, I did exactly what Philippians says, I prayed for everything. The good, the bad and the ugly. I focused not just on me but on all the others I know who are struggling right now. I learned to "Let go, and Let God." And you know what, it worked. In return, I received incredible peace and we received results beyond anything we would have tried to imagine.

It is not to say that I wasn't stressed. Every time the lab called, I could feel my heart pounding and blood pressure rising expecting worse case scenario. And each time, I was given amazing news and peace that God continued to be in control. He taught me that he is much better at the control thing than I am (much to my dismay).

So it goes to say that when we showed up at the hospital for the transfer, I gave it all to Him again. I tried not to worry about it (unfortunately my heart rate and blood pressure gave me away) so they requested the embryologist come early so I could get some Valium. :) Honestly, this was the most terrifying moment for me. Learning the quality of our embryos produces a whole new level of stress normal parents never have to endure. We were soon comforted by the nurse and embryologist who walked in with 2 thumbs up.

We transferred two of the best looking embryos we've ever had. The lab rates them on a letter scale with A being the best and D being poor. They very rarely see any A rankings and if you recall last time we transferred a BCB and BBB. This time we transferred......ABB and BBB! We were told no less than 4 times by Dr. B and once by the head embryologist what great looking embryos we had. Dr. B. even said they were exactly like the example photos they use in the IVF training slide show we had to attend last year. We felt great at the results!

But it gets even better. Before we left the hospital on Tuesday, one of the embryologists poked his head in our room to tell us that they were going to go ahead a freeze 2 of the remaining embryos! I would have done a happy dance except I was on bed rest and I'm not supposed to get my heart rate up. We are absolutely THRILLED with the blessings God has bestowed on us.

We want to thank each of you for following our journey, loving and supporting us in the process, and praying for us. Please know how much it means to us to have a strong base of support. Also, thanks for all the comments on the last post. It was so much fun to see who all is reading. Keep it up!

Regardless of what happens next week, we will continue to trust in God's plan and be amazed at his faithfulness. Our God is an awesome God!

Good Things Come in Threes---Updated

We have the latest update from the embryologist. We have 3 excellent embryos, 3 good embryos, 3 average embryos, and 4 poor (or stragglers as the embryologist called them). Altogether we have nine good looking embryos. We are schedule for a transfer at noon on Tuesday and I will be on bedrest until Thursday afternoon (until I break down and must take a shower). We are pleased with the numbers and feel confident we will have some high quality embryos to transfer. Please pray with us that this is the case. As I told Joel at lunch, maybe this means triplets are in our future. I wish you all had see the look I got in return. :)

We started the progesterone shots yesterday and I already have bruise number one. I don't remember them hurting this much before but I'm sure I have just blocked out that memory. Otherwise, I'm feeling great. I wore "real" clothes yesterday and today for several hours. That was a huge accomplishment compared to the past when that wasn't possible for a least a week. I'm so thankful this time did not produce the hyperstimulation.

I will most likely not update again until bedrest is done. However, that does not mean you can't leave comments. In fact I'd love EVERYONE who stops by to comment. I'd love to show baby Cramer all the people who have prayed and cared for us. That is your challenge so hop to it!

Updated: We got a call from the lab this morning and have been bumped to 1:00 for the transfer. We will get to the hospital at noon. Otherwise, all else is the same. Keep the comments coming as I'm having so much fun seeing who all lurks. :)

Night and Day Difference

That is how I feel after yesterday. It is amazing how much better I feel compared to the last two times. I'm so thankful we don't have the extra worry of hyper stimulation this time.

Yesterday went well. We got 23 eggs and Dr. B. said they looked really good. He was pleased with the results and was glad he "finally figured me out". :) I felt good we hit our target and have not had to depend on the pain meds as much as previous experience.

I just talked to the embryologist this morning and got the embryo report. Of the 23 eggs they got, 19 were large enough to be fertilized with ICIS. Of those 19 we had 13 to fertilize normally. We will get our next report on Sunday which is when they will rate the embryos.

We are still scheduled for a day 5 transfer based on previous history but if that changes I'll let you know. Otherwise we will be back at the hospital on Tuesday and I'll be on bedrest till Thursday.

Please pray with us that our embryos continue to grow and divide properly and that they meet the highest rating. We want awesome looking babies! :) Thanks again and look for another update on Sunday.

Go Time

Sorry for the lack of blogging this week. I've been busy with appointments but have also been in a funk. I can't seem to really get excited about this latest round of IVF. That being said, I need to adjust my attitude before Thursday because that's the big day.

We are scheduled for retrieval Thursday morning around 7:30. We have hit our target on mature follicles as of today but I suspect there will be a few more ready by Thurs. I'm already feeling uncomfortable from the fluid but am nowhere near as miserable as in the past. Unfortunately, Dr. B's new facilities are not ready so we will be going back to Presby. I'm disappointed but feel at peace that God would not have brought us this far only to abandon us because of facilities.

I decided to keep this round of IVF as exciting as possible and so I created some DRAMA last week. I had training for school two days (really 1 1/2 days) so I had to do my shots in small bathroom stalls. On the second day, I must have decided that life had been too predictable so I dropped my vial of meds on the tile floor. Yup, shattered everywhere causing me to miss that dose (Note to self--Glass and tile don't mix). I quickly called the pharmacy (luckily I can do local pick up) to order more. I then made a frantic call to the nurse at Dr. B's office who reassured me that being 4 hrs late was not the end of the world as long as I took a dose ASAP. Needless to say, I got nothing from my training and rushed out of there to the pharmacy. Obviously it all worked out, but it sure was a stressful day!

So, as we prepare for Thursday, we continue to trust in the path God has carried us through. We hold strong to hope in the process, faith it will work and the love God has for us. Please continue to pray for us, our medical staff, the embryologists and our families.

Thank you all for the support and check back in after Thursday for the update on embryos.

The Path

Our pastor is currently doing a sermon series on the 23rd Psalms. Last Sunday, it seemed as if the sermon was written just for us. The focus was on walking the path of the righteous with God. Our minister talked about how the shortest point between two lines is a straight path but that God often opts out of this path. He said God often takes the round-about way to our destination. This is how we feel about our infertility journey...taking the round-about way. Joel actually said we've taken the round-about-round-about-round-about way. While we know God is using this journey to teach us many things we can't help but wish that we would quickly reach our desired destination. Good things will come in His time.

Our current path includes starting Follistim shots tonight. We will continue Lupron shots in the morning and Follistim shots in the evening for four days. I will go in early Friday morning for a sonogram to see how the follicles are responding. We are on an ultra conservative dose of the meds based on my past history of hyper stimulation. Please pray that the meds do their job (just not too well) and that we will have 15-20 eggs for the retrieval next week.

I'll update again Friday after we know more. Until then, we will continue to enjoy this round-about journey to parenthood.

Green Light

We officially got the green light to go ahead with our meds last week. I've been on Lupron for a week and will start the Follistim within the next week. We will be doing the retrieval around the first week of August and bed rest five days later. We will be done before I start school on the 17th (which was my one criteria). I will continue to update as we get more specific dates. Please continue to pray with us as we seek God's plan for a little Cramer.

Wednesday

We have an appointment on Wednesday morning at 9:30 for a sonogram to get the go ahead to start Lupron shots. It is both a blessing and a curse to have past experience with the IVF process. Please pray with us that all looks good on the sonogram and that all the worried thoughts I have regarding this cycle will disappear. We continue to be blessed and will update as soon as possible on Wednesday.

Life Lessons

This is something I ran across and it struck a cord. Many good this to remind yourself of daily. Hope you find it inspiring too. Also, I'm working on the post about our trip. It was a great time!

Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer- Cleveland, Ohio

Celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written. My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we’d grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

One Year

Did you know it's been one year since we went in for our first IVF? Well it has. I've been reflecting on this lately and the emotions/feelings tied up in all of this. I look back and realize how innocent we were during the whole process. We never imagined it wouldn't work or that we'd be sitting around waiting for IVF #3 a year later. In some ways I'd love to have that innocence back but in others I'm glad for the trials we've gone through. Only God knows the plan for us and we must remember none of this is a surprise to Him.

We are off on a much needed/anticipated vacation to Seattle/Vancouver. It is just what we need during the next 10 days to refresh and recharge for the next few months. I will definately be sharing pictures and stories so check back!

His Mysterious Ways

I know you have all been waiting with baited breath about our next step in adding a little Cramer. We have finally reached a decision after much prayer, discussion and time. We have witnessed the mysterious ways in which God works and are constantly amazed by his hand in things. He truly is an awesome God and we are excited to continue down the road of becoming parents.

Things went really well on Monday. We are at peace with the decision we made to try IVF one last time. It was certainly not easy, but Dr. B really has encouraged us and God opened several doors for us. He truly does work in mysterious ways. Two of which are...Joel getting a significant raise at work that would help with paying for another round (not ideal but doable)....and more importantly learning that our insurance company says we only used 2K of our money last time so we still have 13K left on infertility coverage (Could you recheck that please? Umm..okay we'll just go with it.). We have no idea how that worked out but feel it is God's way of pushing us to do one last round.

As far as prayers there are always the obvious one....that it will work. Also on the list are for the timing to work out so that we can use Dr. B's new facility with the 2 leading embryologists on our case. We are shooting for IVF in August before school so there is a chance the new lab will not be fully up and running in which case we will go back to Presby. We are also going on a very conservative dose of meds to hopefully avoid any hyperstimulation and are only aiming for 10-15 eggs (this was the goal last time and we got 49).

We will begin all the fun again in July so keep your eyes peeled for updates. Until then, we are off to enjoy a much needed vacation and recharge for this next step. Thanks for the prayers and for checking in.

God is Awesome!!

Life Verses

The last several weeks I have been focusing on finding and documenting verses that speak to me in regards to life and this journey. My plan is to spend time this summer committing them to memory and focusing on living in the word.

I can't wait to share with you some of these verses but first I want to challenge you to share some of your life verses with me. I can't wait to see the different ways God speaks to all of His children!!

In the meantime, I ran across the following in my email and thought it was a good reminder to all of us. Enjoy and don't forget to leave your verses for all to enjoy.

You Say: “It’s Impossible”
God Says: All things are possible
*Luke 18:27
You Say: “I’m too tired”
God Says: I will give you rest.
*Matthew 11:28-30
You say: “Nobody really loves me”
God Says: I Love You
*John 3:1-6 & John 3:34
You say: “I can’t go on”
God Says: My grace is sufficient.
*II Corinthians 12:9 & Psalm 91:15
You say: “I can’t figure things out”
God Says: I will direct your steps
*Proverbs 3:5-6
You say: “I can’t do it”
God Says: You can do all things.
*Philippians 4:13
You say: “I’m not able”
God Says: I am able
*II Corinthians 9:8
You say: “It’s not worth it”
God says: I WILL be worth it.
*Romans 8:28
You say: “I can’t forgive myself”
God Says: I Forgive you.
*I John 1:9 & Romans 8:1
You say: “I can’t manage”
God Says: I will supply your needs.
*Philippians 4:19
You say: “I’m afraid”
God Says: I have not given you a spirit of fear.
*II Timothy 1:7
You say: “I’m always worried and frustrated”
God Says: Cast all your cares on ME.
*I Peter 5:7
You say: “I’m not smart enough”
God Says: I give you wisdom.
*I Corinthians 1:30
You say: “I feel all alone”
God Says: I WILL NEVER LEAVE OR FORSAKE YOU

Decisions, decisions

Nope, we still haven't reached a final decision on our next step. We have a meeting with Dr. B on June 8 to discuss our IVF options again and get answers to new questions that have popped up. We have seen God working in amazing ways lately and will share those with you soon. Please continue to pray for us, our medical staff, and our meeting in a few weeks. God is good!

Thoughts on Mother's Day

Here is a poem I found that speaks volumes to me. Someday, we will get to celebrate Mother's (and Father's) Day. Until that day comes, we hold on to the truth that God does have a plan and will hold us tight in His loving embrace.

There are women who become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss, and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better.

I will be better not because of genetics or money or because I have read more books, but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.
I have longed and waited.
I have cried and prayed.
I have endured and planned over and over again.

Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.
I will notice everything about my child.
I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore, and discover.
I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.
I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold, and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me.

I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child.
Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.
I will be a better mother for all that I have endured.
I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend, and sister because I have known pain.

I know disillusionment, as I have been betrayed by my own body.
I have been tried by fire and hell that many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.
I have prevailed. I have succeeded. I have won.

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort.
I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.
I listen.
And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely.

I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine,
of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth when life is beyond hard.
I have learned a compassion that only comes by walking in those shoes.
I have learned to appreciate life.

Yes, I will be a wonderful mother.

Lack of words

I'm sorry for being MIA lately. There is so much going on and quite frankly I don't have the energy to put it all into words. We are in the midst of deciding which crossroad to take on our journey and quite frankly I wish God would just hold up a big sign with a big arrow and hit us on the head with the right path. Unfortunately He doesn't work that way. We know there is an answer to our repeated pleas for clarity and are struggling to sort through all the information that has been given to us. Please continue to pray for clarity and I will update more when the words come. Until then, we are holding on to His promises....

Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.
1 Peter 4:12-13 (NIV)

The Rest of the Story

Sorry to keep you all in suspense but it has been an emotional roller coaster for the last week. The morning of our pregnancy test I took a home test that was negative. I went ahead to do the blood work and got a call later that day that the test was positive. They wanted to see me on Friday to see if the levels doubled. When we went in we learned they increased but did not double so they increased my estrogen and wanted to see me again on Monday (yesterday). My levels came back as being negative for a pregnancy so they had the lab retest them. They came back negative again so we are moving along under the assumption that it was just a chemical pregnancy. Needless to say, we are at a crossroad in what to do next. We have scheduled a meeting for Mar. 31 to sit down with Dr. B again and figure this all out. Please continue to pray for us and for clarity on this journey.

Staying Positive Inspite of the Negative

Sorry it has been a while since I've posted. It has been a very trying week emotionally (I will update with specifics later). We are trying to stay positive. Please pray with us that we will not lose hope in the process of adding a little Cramer to our family.

And I'm Back

Yeah for being off bed rest. I felt like I was confined for a week (actually that is pretty much true with all the hyper stimulation). I'm excited to head back to work after a week off and am looking forward to the next week moving quickly. We go for a pregnancy test next Wed. (Mar. 4th) so keep praying with us for positive results.

The transfer went well. We placed two high quality embryos and everyone seemed pleased with their quality. Hopefully that is a good sign. Dr. B even commented to Joel that he didn't expect to see us there and had expected to be freezing the embryos while I healed from the hyper stimulation. You see, God is already working in fantastic ways and listening to our prayers.

Unfortunately we had no embryos to freeze as they didn't grow enough to meet the criteria. While it is extremely frustrating, we must trust that God has a bigger plan for us.

Words will never express how grateful we are for each of you and the prayers sent up on our behalf. We love and cherish each one of you. Praise be to God!!

Praise Be to God

We are doing the transfer on Monday at 12:30!! God is so good. He has truly walked this path with us. I am still swollen from the fluid but it improves every day. After talking to Dr. B he was amazed at how well I'm doing. It can only be attributed to all the prayers going up on our behalf (and maybe some of my stubborness). This will be the last you hear from me until I'm off of bedrest since my laptop is at school for the children. Thank you all for the continued prayers and support.

Prayers Please

We have talked to the lab today and are thrilled with the results. They are better than last time so we are hopeful that we will have embryos to freeze. We are still unsure whether we will do the transfer on Monday. We are waiting to hear from Dr. Barnett. I am hopeful we will go ahead, but feel I must trust his decision as to what is best.

The update from the lab on Friday told us they fertilized 41 of the eggs and had 21 embryos develop. Today we were told that 3 of those are excellent, 6 are good, 7 are average, 4 are poor and 1 is very poor. As I mentioned, we are hopeul that the 16 at or above average will continue to thrive and will be viable enough to freeze.

Please join us in this prayer and well as us getting the go ahead for a transfer on Monday. We are in awe at what God has done already and feel blessed that so many of you are sharing this journey with us. Until we have more news....may God bless you as He has blessed us.

49....The day after

Yes you read that right. 49 eggs is what they got yesterday. We are waiting to hear from the lab today how many of those fertilized. As was pointed out frequently, I'm an egg producing machine. However, because of the high number, my estrogen levels are at what is considered dangerously high. If they don't come down, we will not be doing the transfer on Monday. We will instead freeze the embryos and wait for my body to heal. Our prayers are that this will not happen. Other than mild pain and bloating, I have no symptoms related to hyper stimulation. Please pray with us that we are able to do a transfer on Monday and that we have embryos left to freeze.

Go Time---Updated

Update: We are set for Wednesday at 8:15. My estrogen levels are still high and my lining is thin. This is a concern but we are taking measures to hopefully resolve it. Specific prayers include: for my levels to balance out, for the lining to thicken, and for the procedure to go smoothly. We will have plenty of eggs again so that is not a concern at the moment. I'll update you all as I feel like after the procedure.

It is looking like Wednesday will be the day for retrieval. Please pray for Dr. Barnett and the medical staff as well as for a smooth procedure. Also please pray for us. My estrogen levels are high again and I'm already experiencing discomfort from the fluid around my follicles. Please pray that this will resolve itself quickly. Trust me when I say Wednesday cannot come soon enough. If anything changes at my appointment in the morning I'll let you all know. Until then, thanks and God bless!

Quick Update

We have started the Follistim shots as of today. Man, I forgot how much I hate this!! All for a good cause though. We expect a week of doctor appointments and shots. It is looking like retrieval will take place sometime next week. I'll keep you updated as we learn more. Thanks for the continued prayers!

Many Praises

We received a green light to start meds yesterday! It is funny how you forget things like the pain involved in injecting yourself with hormones. It definitely is a coping mechanism the human body has because I've heard the same thing happens after childbirth. What a great God we serve who created us with selective memory so we will continue to bear pain to have children. :)

This is such great news and God showed us many reasons to praise Him. First of all, I had not even one large follicle which means no cysts!! Everything looked perfect and better than it has in a while. Secondly, the persistent mass on my left ovary did not grow even one millimeter!! This was a fantastic surprise and left me feeling very reassured at previous decision to just leave it alone and watch it. Finally, when I left to pay I learned that I owed NOTHING. The new insurance plan we switched to will cover everything up to 15K. Amazing! As you can see we are so blessed and cannot thank God enough for answering so many prayers at one time. He is truly amazing and regardless of what happens on this journey He will walk with us.

We are looking at mid-February for the retrieval and transfer and will definitely keep you updated as we learn more specifics. May you all be blessed by walking this road with us. Please continue to pray for us as we continue to pray for you. God Bless you and yours!

Friday

Just wanted to let you all know that I go into the Dr. office Friday morning at 9 for a Lupron start sonogram. Please pray with us that everything is clear and that we will be able to start the shots. And yes, I recognize the irony in praying for shots!! :)

The Journey Thus Far

I realized it has been a while since I updated the whole story. It has been surreal going back and reading through everything and realizing how much I've forgotten. So this is as much for me as it is for you!

Just before our 2 year anniversary (May 2006) we decided to officially stop the pill and see what happened. By September, I had not had a cycle for 3 months and decided to see my doctor about it. Keep in mind this was normal for me as I have NEVER been regular. She referred me to an OB/GYN after ruling out pregnancy. I meet with the OB/GYN later that month and after kick starting my cycle we began the clomid regimen. Tried that until Jan. with no success. That is when we were referred to our wonderful specialist. Unfortunately we could not get an appointment with him until March. At that appointment we made a plan to get the family we so wanted. He put me back on the pill to ensure that I would have a regular cycle before we began.

I had my first sonogram in April, only to learn that the clomid had created a large cyst on my right ovary. We were not allowed to begin any meds then and went back on the pill to help shrink the cyst and prevent any new ones from forming. While we were disappointed, there was also a sense of success in feeling we were close to finally getting a child. We also learned that Joel has a fluctuating sperm count so they recommended IUI to help us conceive.

In May, the sonogram revealed that we had no large cysts. We could finally start the drugs. However, they finally got a good look at my left ovary and found a dermoid mass. We were assured that is was probably nothing to worry about as 98% of the time they are benign. We chose to keep an eye on it and if it started changing we would consider removal. So we started a combo cycle of Clomid/Follistim/Ovidril. We did an IUI in May but still were not successful.

This continued in June and July. Combo cycle of Clomid and Follistim/Ovidril shots...IUI...no success. We learned that we would have to take August off because we had completed 3 cycles. We then meet with Dr. Barnett to review our plan and were given two options. We could do an HSG test to make sure there were no blockages and everything looked good or we could do surgery to remove the cyst (which has given me no problems) in hopes that would help. We chose the HSG (and different med plan if it was normal) hoping to find no problems and avoid surgery. Making that decision meant we would go back on the pill and take September off as well.

The HSG came back normal and so we were allowed to begin a new round of just Follistim/Ovidril in October. This meant more shots and more sonograms to closely monitor what was happening. But we were very hopeful. The first cycle was very short and as a result they let us try to get pregnant on our own. What a novel concept that was! In fact it was almost a relief to not include a doctor. We were unsuccessful and tried again in November. Since our cycle fell around Thanksgiving (and we were out of town) they let us try again on our own. Again no success but we felt as though we were making progress because I responded really well to the meds. Since we were doing higher doses, we are only allowed two months at a time. As a result we had to take Dec. off and wait until Jan.

We did one last IUI in February and again it was not successful. We then met with Dr. B in March (just a few days after moving into the new house)and decided to move on to IVF. We signed up for the IVF orientation class in April and got all the paperwork and such in order. We then started saving money knowing insurance wouldn't cover it. Orientation in April was overwhelming. We learned a lot about the process of IVF, embryologists, embryos, etc. It is a wonder anyone gets pregnant themselves!We then sat back and waited until May.

Finally May came, and we stared prep for IVF. Shots, shots, and more shots were the daily routine. Lupron first thing in the morning, later to add on Follistim in the evening, to finally have mature eggs to be released by the Ovidril. We then went in for the retrieval and 5 days later the transfer. Two weeks later, we learned we were not pregnant. We were devastated, but decided to try one more IVF in the new year after meeting with Dr. B in July.

This takes us to where we are now. We are waiting to start IVF round #2. We know a lot more this time and feel more confident in the process. We also thank God daily that there are people like Dr. B, the awesome nurses, the embryologists, etc. that help people like us for a living.

Even through all the valleys, we are amazed at God's faithfulness and timing. While there have been many times I thought we should already be pregnant, He has shown us why His was are best. He has continued to bless us with people we already knew who are walking this same journey (and some of them even had important info on how to get insurance to cover one round of IVF!).

We are in many ways honored to share our journey as God never promised life would be easy. He simple promised never to leave us or give us more than we could handle. Yes, God is good and is faithful to his children. We hope you have been as blessed as we have!

And I'm back

That's right, back into the swing of things. It has been so nice to take time off and not have to focus on doctors appointments or sending updates or infertility itself. That being said, it also feels really good to be back. I remember thinking in July that January seemed so far away, but it definitely snuck up on us!

We met with Dr. B in December and made our new plan for IVF. I got to stop taking the medicine for PCOS as we saw no noticeable difference. I was very excited to have one less thing to do. We agreed to try IVF again in February. I expect to go in for a sonogram next week to see if we can start shots again. On one hand, I'm very excited to begin, but on the other I know everything involved. It is a fine line to walk. The good news is that for this cycle we are changing the kind of estrogen I'll take so that means Joel will not have to give me shots!! One less painful thing to worry about.

I'll let you know more as everything plays out. We are hoping and praying for success this time but are staying focused on God's faithfulness and plan. Please continue to pray with us as we begin another journey. Specifically pray that we get a green light at the next sonogram to begin meds (ie: no cysts). As always, we cherish each one of you and are grateful for your support. God is good!